About ryangavini

The Writer

To Whom It May Concern

I told you last year that if you keep spreading false stories about me then I’ll be forced to write more about your wicked deeds. The time has come.  I really don’t wanna write this but you challenged me and my patience is done.

Even your very own son told you a number of times, “Ma, stop lying!”

Few days ago, I heard you loud and clear. You kept on saying that the money I owed from Mom, I never paid back. Again, it’s not true. Everything was paid back especially the money I borrowed when we built our house.

It seems you’ll never stop painting a bad image on me and my family. I just can’t sit here and remain silent. I have to do something so hopefully once for all, you would see your wickedness and someday change.

Since the start of 2019, I try to live my life in peace, avoiding all possible conflict. Even I still keep on hearing you spreading lies about me to other people, I tried to be silent and not fight back.

Few days ago, I heard you again loud and clear, relentlessly saying lies about me. You seem to want war and so I bring you the war, right here, right now.

It’s been said, “There’s a time for peace but there’s also a time for war…”

I have lot of bullets to fire but let me just fire these two which I can say the two most terrible things you did, not against me but against Mom.

1. When mom was on her dying days in the hospital, you and your younger sister, Cherrys, were wickedly smiling and laughing, saying something like this, “Let’s divide the jewelries of Mom to both of us! Hehehe!”

You can’t deny that because there were witnesses, including me, who saw and heard you both.

2. We were informed by the doctor to never give Mom any water no matter how thirsty she would be. Because if we do, it will quickly kill her.

Hours before she died, with my very own eyes, I saw you putting more than one tablespoon of water to Mom’s mouth. I was shocked. I was caught off guard. I couldn’t say any word nor react.

You can’t deny that because there were witnesses, including me, who saw you doing it. I couldn’t understand why you did it. What was on your crazy mind? How could you do that to our very own mother who still had a strong will to live at that critical time! This could be the effect on your brain of your shabu use before.

I think i already told you a week before Mom died that she said, “You know, Jinky is really the one who’s giving me stress.” There were witnesses who saw and heard mom saying that.

I had a dream a week after she passed away. In the dream, I saw a letter. It was typewritten and I intensely felt she wrote it. I couldn’t recall the contents of the entire letter. She said, “TO INDEMNIFY.” She looked sad.

When I woke up, I asked myself, “What should I do so I can indemnify her passing away in this world?”

After a couple of days, I again had a dream. She said, “IT HAS TO BE ACCESSIBLE ONLINE.”

So I thought maybe this post might fulfill her last wish.


25 Years Ago

I love her. I’ve always been loving her from the day I professed my love for her.

The first time I gazed upon her eyes twenty five years ago, I told her that I do love her. That was the reason I left the seminary so we can finally be together.

Just a while ago when I watched her sleep, my love for her never changes. It’s still the same and even runs deeper in my spirit.

I know I had sinned against her in the past yet she’s still holding on the love I gave her twenty five years ago as if I’m still the man, the pure man she once knew.

Just a while ago when we embraced each other, I couldn’t utter any word. I couldn’t even say I love you. I wanted to but I guess sometimes words are not needed. I know what she really needs is to be reassured that my love for her can go beyond the number of years.

I don’t know what the future holds for both of us. It doesn’t matter as long as I know we always hold each others’ hands day by day, not letting go of the love I strongly professed for her twenty five years ago.


Every time there’s a news about the conflict between races and religion like what happened in New Zealand last Friday, I feel like this isn’t gonna end. It may always be like this and there’s not much we can do about it.

However, I remain hopeful that with this little book, it might help in solving this immemorial conflict.


Desire is the Cause of Suffering

Desire is present in every person. We are born with many desires and as we age, the lesser we have. Some we let go while some we hold on until we die.

However, desire is the cause why we suffer. So some religious groups try to renounce it while some live their lives without it at all.

It’s been said that a desire which is unfulfilled will haunt you forever. So you have to fulfill it so later in life, it wouldn’t be so hard to let it go. But what if your desire can never be fulfilled for whatever reason it may be. That’s where you must learn to let it go and realize you can live without it.

Why Things Happen?

Things happen because of no reason at all. It occurs to anyone at random. Sickness or accident may come to anyone out of pure mystery. It’s just the way it is that life operates out of pure chance. Whether you’re a sinner or a saint, fortune or misfortune chooses no one. Cause and effect does not apply.

On the other hand, things happen for a reason. Cause and effect will always be the underlying factor in every event. If you get sick, that’s because you did something unhealthy to your body. If you were involved in an accident, it was probably because you were not careful. It’s always you, you and you. If it can’t be traced by your actions in this present lifetime, then it could be in your previous life. Thus, believing in reincarnation is inevitable. The law of karma is upheld.

The question is… Which do I subscribe? I go for the second because it satisfies the human mind’s quest for answers. Satisfaction may not be full and complete but at least the attempt is there to solve life’s mysteries. This is better than leaving your life out of pure chance which you have no control.

I’m Proud of You, my Son

My son, my beloved son, as days go by, the more I’m amazed of you.

I realize more than ever before that you’re truly a good person no matter what the circumstances are. No matter what the external forces are, deep within, you remain the same as what I’ve known you since you were a small boy.

You are still pure in your thoughts without any malice nor ill intention. You are still kind and compassionate and all you want is to make your parents proud and happy.

Now that you’re fully grown up with a life on your own, you still choose to be with us. You still choose to share your earnings with us. You haven’t thought about building your own family for you must have realized that still being with us, there’s no better family out there.

I love you, my son. Getting to know you more makes me love you more.

You said that you want to continue sharing the fruits of your labor with us because it makes you happy. Helping us is giving you a profound fulfillment. You said you’re not obliged. There’s no burden from your end. It’s just your own free will simply because it’s making you happy.

I said you have to set aside part of your earnings for yourself. You have to spend it in whatever would make you happy. You can buy things, gadgets or treat your girlfriend in a fine restaurant. But you said we are your priority.

You touch me, my son. You touch me so deep. I don’t know if there are many sons like you in other families. All I know is I’m so blessed you’re my son.

I’m so proud of you. I’m very sorry of my sins, mistakes and shortcomings. I just fell short of my love for you yet you never change in loving me, your mom and your brother.

To be honest, I’ve never been proud of myself. I haven’t achieved great things in life which I can show it to you for you to emulate me. Anyway, it doesn’t matter now. What matters is I’m so proud of you. But I’m sorry for I haven’t been able to show how proud I am of you during those moments when you needed someone to share your achievements during your school days. But know that it pains me severely for making you cry because of my faults and shortcomings.

I’m sorry, my son, I’m just like this. I’m just a mediocre. In the past, I was worse than a mediocre. In spite of that, I’m confident you won’t be like me.

When you were an infant, I had an intuition you are destined to be great. In my present observation, my intuition is proving me right. No matter what I did and who I am as a father, you will still walk that path towards greatness.

I’m not anymore in the illusion of becoming great myself. I’m getting old, although I still work hard. I can only be great once you fully reach your highest potential which I know you will. When that happens, my time in this world might be done.

My greatest fulfillment is to see you succeed and having all your noblest dreams come true.

I love you, my son. How I wish you can feel my love more. How I wish you can feel more how proud I am of you. And how I wish you would realize that you and your brother are the greatest gifts that God had given me into my life.

You Really Don’t Have True Friends

If you are on the right side, don’t be afraid to fight back. Fight in a non violent way. Fight in order to send a message that you can’t be crushed down.

Let them know you’re not stupid. God gave you the gift of intellect. Use it to protect your own welfare. God gave you the gift of free will. Use it to assert that you are no one’s slave.

Remember this. You are only loyal to one thing. That is your own family. You may transfer from one company to the other but you hold your family still in your life. Your spouse and offspring are your priority. If their needs are compromised, be ready to look for another company which would better serve them.

In this world of competition, survival of the fittest and self-interest, you really don’t have true friends. Your only true friends who would be there even in your trying times, would be your family.

If you don’t have one, it must be your highest pursuit.

Thank you, My God

God, I know my child is on the process of getting healed completely and so I sincerely thank you.

I trust in your unconditional goodness and love. More than any science and medicines, I rely in your mysterious power, working inside my child’s body and mind.

I’ve already done my part. The doctor has already done his part as well. And I’m left to surrender my hands unto you. You, who created everything… You, who’s the architect of the universe… You, who has all power over us, I entrust my child to you.

Having said that, I’m at peace. Everything is gonna be alright then. Thank you, my God.

I Love You

I love you and there’s nothing more i could say except i love you. I may repeat it several times and say it in a different way but still it’s the same message. I can only give out the reasons why i love you. The reason is that you make my life worth living.

If i don’t love you, a big part of who i am is lost. If i don’t love you, there’s no more meaning in my life. So i have to love you not because i literally have to, but because it’s what makes me complete.

Above all, i love you because you’re the most valuable i have in my life. Without you, i don’t know if i have something i can be proud of. Without you, i don’t know if i can ever be truly happy in this world.

What is The Truth?

The Truth. Search for it. Don’t stop until you know and taste the truth.

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Truth is highly personal. For it to be genuine, it must be discovered by oneself, no one else. For it to last forever, it must be coming from within. The greatest truths are all found around you. You don’t have to travel from one place to the other. You don’t even have to open your physical eyes. You don’t even have to move a foot away. It’s all within you. Search, continue, persist and patiently wait for the right time.

You may say you haven’t yet discovered the truth but I say, you will, someday. Definitely, you won’t find it outside but inside of you. No one knows when, not even you. Without your expectation, you mind and spirit will be opened up suddenly to absorb all the greatest truths in the universe. When that finally happens, you will understand and the rest will follow.

Let your search go on towards the discovery of those truths. Let your thoughts lead to them. Walk to the path towards a destination which we will achieve someday. Others may have their own roads. Anyhow, the destination is one, same and universal. Others may get there later. Others will be ahead from the rest. It doesn’t matter. We will arrive there in one way or the other.