Forgiveness might be too far to connect if we’re talking about happiness but on my end, it has its dynamics that both can go together.
I used to stay away from my dad before as much as possible because he kept reminding me of the pain he inflicted on me in the past.
When I was in College, we had a heated argument. Both of us had its own fault to be blamed but what I couldn’t accept was the fact he tried to stab me with a knife. If my mom wasn’t there to stop him from doing so, I could have been killed. Crying in fear, she prevented him by wrapping tightly her arms around his waist and pulled him away from me. I was utterly shocked. I just couldn’t believe that my very own dad had the intention and guts to kill his very own son.
Thereafter, I ran away from home. Mom begged me to come back as I was always moved by her great motherly concern.
After the incident, dad and I had a cold war until he wrote me a letter expressing his regret while asking for forgiveness. Who am I not to forgive him? But human as I am, I couldn’t forget what he did. What happened had brought us apart away from each other emotionally. I hate to admit that I lost my love for him. What remained is my respect.
Moving forward to the present… Now that he’s alone without mom, slowly my forgiveness for him has grown into compassion. Since my house is attached to his house, I have all the opportunity to watch for him, making sure he gets to eat his food and that everything is alright with him even he cries once in a while over his continued sadness on mom’s death.
This afternoon, I accompanied him again in buying some groceries. I observed with the way he talked to me, he seemed so thankful that I’m taking care of him. Although I haven’t done much but every time I agrees to go out with him, he appreciates it a lot as if he couldn’t believe that the one he tried to kill before is still a son for him.
I realize that when you forgive without anymore a trace of anger, respect progresses. And if you allow events to bring you together, compassion follows when love commences, bringing you joy.
My wife and I serve dad’s daily meals. I always drive him wherever he goes. I’ve been doing it out of compassion but recently I observe, without him knowing, he’s already making me happy. It’s strange but it’s true. I guess the happiness he’s bringing is the opportunity for me to love him unconditionally. And I thank him for this opportunity because the universe is allowing me to repair the damages done I did to other people. This is what I meant when I said in my previous post: “In order to make me feel good in spite of what’s happening around me, I have to be nice to others by being forgiving…”